the green-eyed monster which doth mock / the meat it feeds on

So she appears at 3:31 AM, "Hey, Ben!"

Me, "Oh, hey! What a pleasant surprise! How's your weekend?"

She, "I just got home. Whacha doin'?"

Me, "Oh, just archiving recipes. Had a fun date?"

Neither a confirmation nor denial.


I have to remind myself: I'm better than this. I am above this kind of petty jealousy. I will not descend into petty possessiveness. Such infantile behavior. She's not even my Significant Other (and so what if she were to be?). Have to learn to be detached. To detach. That, is the only key to true liberty.

There was once this rich man who had everything: a big house, a beautiful wife, bright and healthy children, lots of cattle, vast fields and farms. The rich man said, "I have everything I had ever wanted. I am happy."

Under the tree sits Buddha. "I have nothing. I want nothing. I am happy."

A huge flood came along, destroying the rich man's house, fields and farm, drowning his cattle. Later, famine and disease took his wife and children.

Sitting ruined under a tree, the rich man laments, "I have nothing. I am in despair."

Under the tree sits Buddha, "I have nothing. I am happy."

Not to say that I am going to sell off all my worldly possessions and go live under a tree tomorrow, or set off to the nearest hippie commune, (I am well aware of the irony that I reside in an ivory tower), but what I take away from this experience is the danger of attachment and cathexis. The reason why I even feel anything is because I have become attached to her, and I am not comfortable with this.