Conversation with mother

So my mother is here for a visit ;-) and she has already began expressing her horror at the conditions in which I live in. (Hey, it's NOT that bad, OK? I have been thoroughly housebroken by my ex-gf. No, really.)
Anyways, here's a brief excerpt of what went on:

MUM: Ben! I can't believe this! You live like a pig!

ME: Mole. I prefer the term, "mole." Pigs wallow and roll, I burrow. I live like a mole. I burrow through my belongings, toys, old fast-food containers, empty cans of Red Bull, soiled clothing, stacks of books, research papers, journals, overdue library books, etc. I don't roll in them like a pig.

MUM: Ugh! Nevermind! What's with all these warning signs?

ME: They are there for a reason. Some of these electrical gadgets I built are not really complete yet. [Aside: I'm not EE trained] So... if you don't want to get electrocuted...

MUM: Are they on?

ME: Yes, they are always on.

MUM: Isn't it dangerous? How can you live like this?

ME: It makes life exciting.

[MUM steps away warily and resists urge to wipe dusty electronics clean]
[MUM walks to bathroom]

MUM: Oh my goodness! Look at the scale on your sink! It's all built up and encrusted!

ME: That's a natural process. Trust me. If you don't, check it up with National Geographic. We have hard water here. I believe it is called calcification or something.

MUM: Yucks! There's mildew all over your shower stall! It's disgusting!

ME: Mildew is a form of life too. Besides, I have been thinking of turning vegan.

MUM: [Returns to room, wrinkling her nose] And what are all these CDs on the walls? You can virtually open a small CD shop!

ME: They serve as as sound diffusers as well. Two-in-one. Pretty good idea if you ask me.

MUM: Your scuba tanks! What... why are they all over the room?

ME: Well... when they are out of the water, they serve double-duty as my earthquake sensors. When they fall over, I know for sure we have a big one coming, and will proceed to make my hasty exit from the building, pronto.

MUM: You have to have an answer for everything don't you?

ME: Well, that's one of the aims of higher education, isn't it? [grin]

[MUM throws hands in the air and gives up]