Cops and robbers

From the humor section of the October 5th 2005 issue of Fugitive Watch News (1-800-9CAUGHT...email: newsinfo@fugitive.com):


BUSTIN' UP


THE NEW FIELD SOBRIETY TESTS

A man is going down the road, and gets pulled over by a highway patrolman. When he gets up to the car, he tells him that he was speeding. The man is shocked, but not startled by being pulled over because he is always speeding. While the highway patrolman is standing there, he sees that the man has 9 huge knives in the back seat. He asks him what they are for, and he tells him that they are for his act, and he is a juggler. The patrolman does not believe him, and tells him to prove it. So he gets out of the car, and starts to juggle the knives. At the same time, 2 men are driving by and witness the two on the side of the road. One of them looks to the other man and says, "Man, I am sure glad I quit drinking, those sobriety tests these days are rough!"


TRUE STORIES


TO THE MOON!

From Mesa, AZ...

ATTORNEY: Officer, how far was the the defendant's vehicle in front of you?

OFFICER: Approximately one-half mile.

ATTORNEY: Can you see clearly for one-half mile?

OFFICER: Yes.

ATTORNEY: Well, Officer, I'm in doubt that you can clearly see an incident that is occurring one-half mile away. So suppose you tell us all again just how far you can see?

OFFICER: Well sir, on a clear night, I can see all the way to the moon.


WHAT WAS PLAN B?

An Illinois man, pretending to have a gun, kidnapped a motorist and forced him to drive to two different automated teller machines. The kidnapper then proceeded to withdraw money from his own bank account.


SOME DAYS, IT JUST DOESN'T PAY!

Fire investigators on Maui have determined the cause of a blaze that destroyed a $127,000 home last month--a short in the homeowner's newly installed fire prevention alarm system. "This is even worse than last year," said the distraught homeowner, "when someone broke in and stole my new security system."


THE GETAWAY!

A man walked into a Topeka, Kansas Kwik Shop and asked for all the money in the cash drawer. Apparently, the take was too small so he tied up the store clerk and worked the counter himself for three hours until the police showed up and grabbed him.


DO-IT-YOURSELF BRAIN SURGERY??

In Ohio, an unidentified man in his late twenties walked into a police station with a 9-inch wire protruding from his forehead and calmly asked the officers to give him an X-ray to help him find his brain, which he claimed to have be stolen. Police were shocked to learn that the man had drilled a 6-inch deep hole in his skull with a Black & Decker power drill and had stuck the wire in to try and find the missing brain.


DID I SAY THAT???

Police in Los Angeles had good luck with a robbery suspect who just couldn't control himself during a lineup. When detectives asked each man in the lineup to repeat the words, "Give me all your money or I'll shoot," the man shouted, "That's not what I said!"